I quite enjoy walking but - by Dave Page

Maria von Trapp once sang “The hills are alive with music”, she obviously had never been on one of our walks. I imagine she had been driven to the top of the hill by a friendly farmer in his land rover.

All I ever hear is the sound of puffing and panting (mostly me) and people saying I must stop to look at the wonderful view when they are really saying “I’m knackered, let me have a break”

I must admit in the past I have stood at the top of hills and enjoyed the wonderful countryside all around me, I think that the hills look lovely from below, from a distance and from the top but people that enjoy climbing them must have slight masochistic tendencies.
It must be marvellous to be a walker in Norfolk with all those flat walks and a mole hill looks too high to climb over. It may be a bit of a drive to start a walk but I think it might be worth it, we could leave Monday lunch time and be back in time for Countdown on Wednesday.

Some strange things happen at the tops of hills, people lose their inhibitions and regress back to their childhood and so the Prats Annual Conker Competition was born in 1995 near the Jack and Jill windmills above Ditchling. We attracted a lot of strange looks that day from people in the car park watching a dozen slightly elderly teenagers having a good time.

Although I now try to convince my fellow walkers that hills are bad I am still willing to have a go as long as they are not too steep and too long but I have made a vow that I will never, ever walk the Seven Sisters again as long as as I live.